The Trap of Pleasing

Today’s client was very key for me. He helped me see firsthand the consequences of building a life where one is always looking out for the “best” for others. This guy has had some serious deep hurts in his life, because he had a wrong understanding of what it meant to be “all things to all people.” He is the “good guys” that everyone can depend on to get the job done. The problem is that he has a big heart and poor boundaries. This combination has allowed him to be a doormat for the many users of the world. And unfortunately since he has been a Christian he has ran into more of this type of person, especially in leadership.
As I listened to one story, I saw myself relating to his situation. I’m happy that God has taken me through similar experiences and I am learning how to workout of the heart that God gave me with proper boundaries.
This guy is at the beginning of his process. He has some imperative skills to learn. One thing that kept coming up during our time was the importance of him valuing himself. It is all right to help others, or to give 110% when doing a job, but it is just as vital for him to make time for himself. If he will not do it, no one else will, especially in ministry. The way in which he was working leads directly to burnout and that is what he keeps experiencing. On this topic, God reminded me about something he taught me that the client could really use that God needed to be first, and then I needed in the second space. This is important, because only through my relationship with God can I help others and not burnout. Working on myself first releases me to be able to better assist others. Because I am not working out of my pain, but I am working out of the wholeness that God has created in me. This way my energy is streaming from God and what he is doing in me, and not from trying to full the emptiness that lurked in my life. This was a hard lesson to learn and the client is only waking up to this reality. He started grieving over what has happened in his Christian life by recognizing the depth of the pain he has received at the hands of the leaders he has submitted himself to. He is starting to understand that it was not all his fault. Yes, he had a part to play in what took place, but he needs to accept the fact that Christian leaders are human, not perfect, and that he needs to allow himself to feel what he feels about each situation without justifying the actions of the other person.
I know that we have only touched the tip of the iceberg. He has expressed a desire to meet again and I pray that we will be able to squeeze in two more times before I leave.